I’m gonna do it.
I’m really gonna do it.
After a couple of years of really wondering what life is all about and trying to figure out who I am and where I want to go, I realized that I still have no clue. All I know is that I feel burnt out. I also feel too young to feel this this way!
It started a couple of years ago. I hit my 5 year anniversary with my company and I couldn’t believe how quickly time passed. My company went through some organization changes that really brought on a lot more work and stress. I quickly found work consuming my life. I started thinking about a career change and I eventually took a job at a smaller company.
Here I am, 9 months into this new job, and I am feeling worse than ever. The nagging questions I had before are coming back 100xs stronger: Is this all there is? Can this really be my life? What am I really passionate about? How do I find that bliss? Is it just my attitude that needs changing? Why does everyone else’s life seem like it’s coming together? Where am I headed and do I like where I’m going?
I’ve been having some serious confusion about my life and I’m ready to do something different. Too many of my days are ending up with me feeling like I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Too many of my nights are spent restless and hollow. Too many of my mornings are beginning with dread and depression.
Well, the job change obviously wasn’t the answer. My hobbies and friends weren’t enough anymore to help with that void. If anything the job change exacerbated that nagging feeling deep in my heart: I’m not happy anymore and it’s time I got out there to find my true bliss.
About the same time when I was looking for a new job, I considered taking some time off from work. I tend to be a bit more conservative and responsible than that and I thought it was really just a career change I needed. I nixed the idea of some extended time off. In fact, my sister told me I didn’t need more than 1 or 2 weeks off between jobs. I know she means well, and I honestly have those same responsible thoughts, but I really need to stop listening to that voice in my head that tells me what I “should” do, and start listening more to my heart that just says, “go for it.”
I’m ready now. I’ve been thinking about taking an exotic trip somewhere the last few months and while a part of me thought I needed change, I’ve been sitting with my feelings and taking inventory of my life and I don’t think it’s just a vacation I need. I don’t want to go travel somewhere only to know I have a job and deadlines still waiting for me. I just need some time to myself to unwind and get away from everything. To just “be” me and to take some time making peace with old emotional wounds.
As freaked out as I am about it, I plan to quit my job to take an extended trip somewhere. Ideas I’m tossing around right now are Tibet/Beijing or maybe Africa. The destination may change as I research this goal a bit more.
This blog will chronicle my planning process. Hopefully it will chronicle my travels as well. 
I honestly don’t have a date planned yet, but I do know it takes months to get to a point where things just come together. Afterall, there are immunizations, visas, plane tickets, budgets and gear to purchase, just to name a few of the crazy things I need to do to prepare for such an endeavor.
I probably won’t even share the initial posts to this blog with anyone either. I’ve told a few people about my plans, but certainly not my family. I don’t want any negative feedback on any of this. I need to do this for me. So mom, sis, bro, cousin, whomever, I hope you understand why I couldn’t share this very important dream with you in it’s initial stages.
Onward I go. I hope this dream comes to fruition. Man, am I scared!
Wish me luck!
