The New Year

A few years back I started a new new year’s exercise.  Instead of making resolutions, I think of words, mantras or themes to focus on for the year.  One year my word was “simplify” and I kept that at the forefront of my thoughts through out the year.  I try to meditate a bit and let the phrase come to me.  I’ve been sitting the last few weeks reflecting on a lot of things. My grandma passed away and I went home after quite a few years of not being home.  Her death has hit me hard.  Her love transcended language barriers.  Seeing my grandpa so fragile now, breaks my heart, and seeing my nieces and nephews growing up into teenagers has hit home that life moves faster than I realized.  It’s also made me take a look at my own life and wonder what it is that I am living for at this point.  The last 6 years or so have been like a black hole for me.  I feel like I was in a depressive state and stagnant in many ways. I have a way of talking myself out of things, or of withdrawing into myself instead of reaching out and being part of life.  It’s who I am and rather than debating in my head whether it’s healthy or not, it just is.  I think the words that keep coming to me this year is “just do”.  I rationalize too much, analyze too much and sometimes it keeps me in my comfort zone too much.  The other words/phrases that keep coming to me is slow down and take stock, and be more mindful.  Last year i threw myself into a lot of dancing, but I know it’s been a distraction.  As healthy as it may be, everything is only good in moderation.  I’m also being more ‘mindful’ about my health and watching my spending.  So far so good.  It’s only been a week, but progess is measured in baby steps here.

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