Nearly a Year’s Update in One Blog Post

Wow.  I can’t believe nearly a year has passed since I last wrote an entry.  A lot has happened and I don’t know where to begin, except that I am going through another phase of personal transformation, another layer of the onion is peeling away and I am navigating the self-evolution and discovery as best I can.

To recap some highlights of the last 10 months…

In April I headed out to Chicago for a tango festival.  My friend from NJ decided to fly in while I was there and I was looking forward to catching up with her if I could.  I was busy with the festival and I told her it might be a challenge to meet up but she assured me that she wanted to see Chicago regardless of us meeting up, and that she was fine going to do the things that she wanted to do.  The one day we agreed to meet up, I had stayed late at the milonga and due to a late start the next morning and unexpected Chicago traffic, our meetup didn’t happen. I did call her on my way there and I apologized for not making it to the city tour, but she seemed to understand and so I went about my other plans which was a full day of workshops.  Since I was busy in class, I was unable to get to the phone right so I didn’t see her text messages.  Unbeknownst to me, she had left a nasty message about never contacting her again.  Her hostile tone in the text seemed so out of place and didn’t leave any room for trying to understand what had happened.  She was basically so upset that I didn’t return her calls right away and told me to never contact her again.  I was pretty sure I told her that my priority that weekend was my workshops, but she was pissed and when I saw that message the sadness and disappointment I felt for not being able to meet up earlier was replaced with anger.  It was not a message or attitude I expect from a friend.  She assumed I was avoiding or not answering her calls when I was busy in workshops.  When I did finally get her message, I didn’t bother replying.  It was obvious that whatever friendship I thought we had was really not that she was not a positive or nurturing person for my soul.  Even now, months after the event, I thought I’d want to reach out to resolve what misunderstanding we might have had, but the reality is, I’m sure the interaction would drain me and I don’t have the feeling that any good would come of it.  I’m neutral on this at the moment, and I hope she is doing well.

At the end of June I met a guy at a bar.  I had gone to a dance event with a meet up group where I met a few pretty interesting people.  We ended up leaving the event and going to eat Ethiopian food then we wandered around and ended up at a bar.  At the bar one of the girls called up her friend who lived in the neighborhood who decided to come out and meet up with us.  That friend was the guy who asked for my number.  We had our first date July 4th.  It was a challenging three months of dating.  I’m really glad I met him because I saw how much more aware and thoughtful I am in my approach to dating.  It was definitely the healthiest experience I’ve had, in that I walked into it with eyes wide open and any yellow flags I saw I proceeded cautiously and learned the yellow soon became reds.  I know everyone will have issues, but it was clear that our issues were incompatible.  He lacked awareness of his own emotions, and his concern for others wasn’t a real, genuine concern for others.  His concern came from a place of self-preservation.  Actually, I am not sure he cared much about anyone at all.  More than once he mentioned a rough childhood and more than once he mentioned he had no one he could depend on.  I wish he could see how hardened his heart had become, but I guess since I began my own journey in therapy, I’ve come to realize that it’s all about developing awareness and becoming conscious of your issues and how you let those issues influence your present relationships.  Anyway, I saw the downward spiral early on and I am pretty sure I wouldn’t have seen that if we had met a few years earlier.  I haven’t spoken to him in a month, which is surprisingly easy to do and good for me.  In my past I would have kept trying to drag out a hopeless relationship, but I’m looking for a true partnership and someone who really gets that a relationship is about handling each other’s issues with kindness and love.  I wasn’t expecting to meet him, and I think God brought him into my life to help me see that 1) I didn’t have to do anything to get a guy to ask me out.  Our meeting was unexpected and somewhat divine/serendipitous.  Only God could have orchestrated it.  And 2) I think God knew I needed the validation that I was still attractive to someone, especially after such a long dry spell of not dating. And 3) he was “my type” and fit a lot of what I wanted on paper.  I think God was showing me that He knows preferences both in terms of features and in terms of ‘the resume”, and that my concern about the pool of eligible should not really be a concern.  They are there.  I just need to stay ready and open to the “right” one when God puts him in my path.

More later…

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